The Man Who Sold the World

I figure at this point I must be dreaming because I wouldn't find myself in such a strange room sitting across from stranger people.  The room is small.  As is the table I'm sitting.  The space feels like an interrogation room in a lousy cop show.  There's too much light for what the soft humming fluorescent bulbs should be putting out.  Maybe they're not fluorescent.  Probably some energy saving hippie bullshit.  The first fruit sitting across from me starts talking.

"We'll give you a minute to adjust" he says.  "At your leisure when you are ready." he smiles.

His accent sounds regal.  Bordering on British.  They do look a bit pale.  He's got the posture of a soldier, but it's like he's dressed as some loser from a war reenactment.  Shoes with buckles.  High starched collar jacket so sharp you could slice a bagel with it.  Shirt more blouse than actual shirt.  This guy is definitely fruity.  That said he couldn't be more different from his companion.

I turn to this next freak.  Olive skinned.  Thick long black hair and a massive graying beard.  He's wearing some toga thing that Socrates would probably be comfortable in.  This guy looks like he get's stopped by the TSA a lot.  Like America is probably bombing his country as we speak.

He smiles nervously with yellowed teeth.  "You're about to become a part of a very exclusive club." he says.  The guy's English is good, but his accent still makes him sound like he should be wearing an explosive vest.

"Oh really?  Because I don't remember signing up for anything like that." I state folding my arms across my chest.

"No conscription necessary I'm afraid.  You're already a part of this.  This is just a courtesy, part of the process to make things transition smoother." shoe buckle guy says.  "You're being called upon to make a decision you've already made." he states military posture unwavering.  I can already tell I'm really going to hate this fucking guy.

"I led armies.  Saw the birth of a new nation.  I was a war hero.  The Governor of Philadelphia long before it was incorporated a city.  But as war heroes go, I was not given my just due.  I fought for what I believed to be mine, but in the end my name was forsaken and made synonymous with 'traitor'." he finished that last bit with emphasis.  A history lesson popped into my head from god knows where.  "And let me guess.  All you got was a bum leg, a monument nobody cares about, and a breakfast named after you." I said leaning back in the cheap interrogation chair, feeling just a bit more in control of the situation.

Major General Benedict Arnold smiled.  He'd probably heard the crack about the breakfast before.  "That was invented in New York." he sighed.  "Knowing that you are not exactly renowned for your witty repartee, and given the situation we find ourselves in I'm inclined to let that pass." he acquiesced.

"And just what situation would that be?  Trapped in a room with two assholes?  I can't wait to wake up from this." I dismissed.

Andy the Arab or whatever pipes up at this.  "The situation where you change the course of history.  Because of that, you, like us will continue to live on in infamy long after we're gone.  To serve as an example, and usher in the next change." 

"I see... and what did you do?  I get what he did for the money." pointing at Breakfast Boy  "You fly a plane into the wrong building or something?" I asked with a bit more strength in my voice.

"A lot of people believe I did it for the coin.  You might even be able to argue I did it for a god, but the truth was I was afraid.  The Roman's were vicious.  We were oppressed as rabble.  Making more noise than what was good for us.  And justice was severe.  Pontius Pilate was a monster who mutilated and killed hundreds of men by passing his judgement in Judaea.  Yet he and Emperor Tiberius were able to literally wash their hands of all of it." Judas finished with his head a bit bowed.  Like a man who had to explain himself a lot.

"Well shit both Judas and Arnold?  Come on.  There's no way one man can possibly fuck up in the same league as you guys.  I mean you betrayed Christ.  Doesn't get any worse than that."  I said with some disbelief and exasperation.

"Much of the book you know about my life was curated by fools and kings.  My words were never heard like the books of my brothers.  Words have actions.  Those actions create enemies, conflicts.  I ask you who better to take the measure of a man?  His sycophants, or his enemies?"  Judas states solemnly.

Arnie adds "And history is always written by the victors.  Bias is inevitible."

"Is this like a Christmas Carol situation?  The one with the Muppets?  Am I supposed to feel guilt and change my ways?"  I state incredulously.

Both men look at each other quietly.  "Well I think we've done all we can here."  Buckles Benedict says rising to his feet and giving a slight bow with his head.  "Your servant sir." Moving with military precision towards the only door in or out with a slight limp.

Judy turns around one last time before leaving "It's not that you are going to... as you say 'fuck up'.  The truth is you can't escape this fate, because you already made the decision.  Everything here and when you go back will drive you to the same conclusion because you've already convinced yourself.  You have to."

I'm just about done with these jackoffs so I simply breath out slowly, and don't dignify that bullshit with a response.  I stop for a moment to wonder if I can take a nap within my own dream.

Before the door can even completely close a young man in a dark suit, tie, and spectacles comes barreling through.  His smile is too wide as he moves like a shark to the table.  Black hair slicked back, he has the makings of some tobacco executive's junior level nephew.  Like he's used to doing presentations that have charts with one arrow going up called "profits" and another arrow also going up called "cancer rates".

"Big fan!" Tobacco Tim says while taking a seat drumming his hands slightly on the desk.

"Yeah don't care.  Can't say the same.  When am I waking up?" I end with a grunt.

"In time.  In time.  I'm sorry I'm so excited.  This doesn't happen all that often you understand?  Literally sometimes once in a Millenia." he says practically crackling with energy.

"What torturing a man in his sleep?" I narrow my eyes.

"Is that what you think this is?  Torture?  Oh myohmyohmy nononono you see this is all for YOUR benefit.  We like to check in before things happen.  Or at least when we have advance notice that they evidently will.  I assure you this is all quite real.  Of course you won't remember it until much later.  You met your new friends Mr. Arnold and Mr. Iscariot.  They went through something similar.  Until this runs its course this will all seem like grasping at the frayed edges of a dream.  Even when you're here you still don't know about the impact or the decision you are about to make do you?"  Timmy Tobacco says this so quickly and with such enthusiasm that I think I only catch every other word.

"Get me the fuck out of here." I replied dryly.

"Huh?  Well that'll have to do I guess.  No questions why about all this history and how it relates to your legacy?  I just introduced you to two of the worlds greatest betrayers.  Brutus had a time conflict you understand, but sends his regards.  I mean Judas has a whole damn level of hell to himself he has to go back to.  You're not interested at all?"

"I'm interested in you going away." I continue with my arms locked in front of my chest.

"Very well." The slick man smiles at this, and turns around slowly heading back for the door.

I could let it go but this fucking pissant needs to learn.

"My legacy is going to be bigger and more beautiful than any of you losers!  You think I'm going to end up like you assholes?  I know damn well what I'm doing.  I don't need any of your commentary or sympathy."  I shout.

The man in the dark suit stops at this as the lights dim slightly.  He only turns his head a few degrees.  But his already dark eyes somehow grew two shades blacker under his glasses.

"As the song goes?  Yes, have some courtesy.  Have some sympathy, and some taste." he states calmly.  I can see the too wide smile even from this angle with his back turned.

"Hope you guess my name..." he sing songs the last part as I feel something cold grip my stomach.

"Who?  Am?  I?" he asks with a stillness that's unnerving.

"Lou...Lucifer" I muttered as the situation fully hits home.

"And do you know what my name MEANS?" He finally faces me after what feels like an eternity.  But it's like his body moved yet his head stayed perfectly still before leaning in and shifting those dark eyes directly into mine.

"I... umm..." I studder.

"Of course you don't.  Silly me.  Your bible has words in them.  Not your strong suit.  I am the Light Bringer.  The Morning Star.  When your god created the heaven and the earth, in the same breath he created a being that he knew in his infinite, omnipotent wisdom would be literally hell bent on perverting and destroying it.  I never had free will.  There was only ever god's plan.  I never had a choice.  Just an illusion.  Just like yours.  I betrayed my god long before I had any aspirations of my own to rule.  Creation on this scale does not occur without an equal amount of destruction."  The Devil states coldly.

"Wha... what was my decision?"  This could all still be bullshit, but I've made it this far so I have to know.

"To tear down everything Mr. Arnold helped build, all while using the man Mr. Iscariot betrayed to justify it." Lucifer spat.

"And...and what will you do?" I ask trying to regain some courage.

"Same as my father and I have always done.  Sit back and watch as you destroy yourselves.  But don't worry I assure you... we will see each other again soon Mr. President."